Too many tequila

Yesterday was Cinco de Mayo, but who cares because you're single.  Right?  This is why.
You told a joke about the Hellman's tragedy aboard the Titanic when it sunk, causing millions of tubs of Hellmans mayonnaise to be lost, hence this holiday: Sinko de Mayo.

You insisted that 1 shot of tequila was enough, then proceeded to pour 3 shots into a regular sized cup and claim it was one shot.  Then yelled at everyone else for being a pussy and taking "mini" shots (read: normal) before you passed out on the couch a few minutes later.

You think Petrona (Petron + Corona) doesn't taste like old man piss and you force it on any and all who have the misfortune to sit next to you at the bar.

You drew a sharpie mustache on your finger and proceeded to make everyone take pictures with it/you all night.  Wait, that's why I'm single.

Happy Cinco de Mayo people, stay single.

Snuggin' Solo

We invite some friends over to watch a movie. I come home from rehearsal and this is what I find in my living room.

I'm gonna go ahead and throw it out there, there is an inverse relationship between the amount of time you spend in a Snuggie and the amount of time you spend getting hit on.

This is Why We're Single.